How Facebook Killed Our Class Reunion

How Facebook killed our class reunion.

A look at how social media is destroying humanity...and helping us all grow closer apart.

I remember being excited senior year of high school when thinking about our future class reunion.  My excitement stemmed from a movie I had watched.  In the movie, the star was the ugly duckling growing up.  When he arrived at his class reunion, he was a rich hunk with a gorgeous bride.  I couldn't wait to be "that guy".  I also couldn't wait for all of the "popular kids" to show up at this future class reunion fat and strung out.  It was going to be GREAT.

As it turns out, I was entirely wrong.  NOBODY showed up at our class reunion.  Because we never had one.  And I blame Facebook.  The social media giant has helped us all become closer apart.

People like to flip out about how there's no such thing as privacy anymore.  There are cameras all over the world.  There are drones...DRONES!...that people are convinced are watching their every move.  The NERVE!

And yet thanks to your posts, I know exactly how dilated you were when you went to the hospital for the birth of your first son.

I know what a jerk the boss is who fired you.  And the boss who fired you six months before that.  You're right - it's TOTALLY their fault.

I know about how gorgeous your house is - and EXACTLY where it is.  And, of course, how much you paid for it.

I know what you look like in a bikini and I saw videos of the workouts that it took to get you into it.  I also know that you cheated with both the chocolate cake AND your trainer.

I know what you ate for dinner, how quickly it came back up after AND how you rated the restaurant that you're CONVINCED made you sick (it had NOTHING to do with those six shots of Jager you posted pictures of during dessert).  

I know all about your political beliefs (and yes, you know all about mine).

As a matter of fact, I know more about your life than I could ever find out at a class reunion...and I know more about your life than I could ever WANT to know.

We've helped turn social media into the very monster that we hate - and I'm pretty sure that because of it, nobody wants to see each other.  

So while you're all out there complaining about the lack of privacy (I know you're complaining - you post ten times a day) - I'm out there helping our clients USE all of that personal information you are voluntarily sharing with the world.  Thanks for making my job exponentially easier.

I'd say I miss you all, but there's not much to miss.  I see you every single day.  So I'm glad we didn't have a class reunion - especially on a Friday night.  I would have had to wear pants.  And if you couldn't tell from my Facebook, I love no-pants Fridays.

In the comments below, let us know what you think - has social media brought us closer apart?